Hi!

It's been a while... two months?? Yeah.. about two months.

I was so busy since the trip to Albany that I even forgot to write something in here! ^^

So, as I was about to say.. things are really unpexpected!

After I read my last blog I felt I regret saying that I didn't wanted to go...

I went there in the end.. and you know what? I had a BLAST!

I think that it was worth going for the Saturday trainings.

I remember that I was about to quit when there was like two meethings left to attend,

I went up to the Language Department Office and talked to the teacher that I wanted OUT!

She, well, was upset and told me off. I went to a Language Coordinator, who has been really nice to

encourage me to go, that it is a good opportunity to develop skills that I don't even know I have.

I listened to her and kept on going. After that we [the debating group] went to Albany.

 

It was a Saturday. I got up really early. Went to the station and ride my way where we had meethings and trainings.

The buses were there waiting for us. We got in. After like 2 and a half hours we arrived to a SUNY college, ALbany University.

We were told that we are going to meet other debating teams from other parts of the NY State. [By the way, I am from the NYC Delegation: Brooklyn, Manhattan, Long Island, Queens, Bronx, and there is one more which I don't remember/ We all formed a delegation, while other boroughs formed individual delegations] We were there to do some activities to get to know each other. We played games and performed a skit together. It was kind of fun... Then we headed to the hotel at 12:00 AM!!!! I was like the last one to get a key to my room and wait for my roommate.

 

Next Morning at 6:00 AM, Sunday: We were woken up ny an annoying telephone call. After breakfast and Church services we went to the Capitol and started rehearsing for our Mock Assembly. Lunch. Then Real Mock Assembly started. It was nerve breaking and exciting. There were people who didn't talk at all and felt dishearted. As for me, I stood up and was allowed to talk. I felt powerful. ^^ It was cool!

After that we went to eat dinner at another hotel and had a party... and yeah I danced. AND we went to our hotel and slept...

 

Next Morning at 6:00 AM: Monday... yes! I SKIPPED school!! for the first time... yea yea... keep bragging...! ^^ so, we were taken to the capitol again but to a small section to have a meeting with the real assembly members and discuss and ask questions about our communities. And after a long run... I went home with a GREAT experience!

 

well... after that.. two weeks later I had another trip... to a university! ^^

Er... yeah.. finally showing myself.

Today was HORRIBLE. is it right to say that? (YO! Give me some freedom of speech here!) <--:P

I feel sentimental right now, or even emotional (for EMO) ^^;

Anyways, recently I became a Christian, it was last Sunday, I think.

I have to start reading the Bible.

And today I went to my first meeting of some kind of political debate training for Hispanics.

For people who think they know me would think that I will do great in the meeting. To those people, they are either believing in me or just pushing me away, to get me to the highest tip, and then drop me from way up there. Obviously, it'd pain a lot. Trying to get my pride too high to get the greatest impact in my downfall. That is what I see, the conspiration of people around me.

Today. 6:012 A.M. I got up.

It was cold as always, it felt purposeless to even think about the freezing temperature, because I had to get up.

After clashing the back door, I started to head to the nearby train station, I felt the chills trying to get through me. My stomach called for food, though I gave it none. I am still standing, and functional. There was no way I would delay any minute for a hunger-relief. I got lost on the way there and betwween the rain, it took a lot of courage to step out of my house alone. Yet I got myself lost and troubled another for help... I felt helpless and out of place, I felt no sense of belongin anymore.

 

I remembered how people used to tell me how blessed I am. I'm not denying that. I'm blessed as everyone are blessed also. I can speak and understand three languages. My appearance and look and origing gave away my sense of belonging. I either represent or be part of each side or country or to belong to none. It became a blessing and a curse.

 

After the meething ended, I wished that I stayed at home and do other stuff that would have been more fulfilling. I didn't feel needed in there, I did not fit. Also, I think that my presence there wasn't even appreciated. I left with a taste of regret in my mouth when I finished eating in there.

 

Generally speaking I am in NoWhere in Society. I am Hispanic Chinese and I belong in none. 

 

...I don't feel like writing any more...

 

LingLing ga kaetekiita!! ^^

erm... I won't promise anything now..

'cause the sad thing is I still don't know the results of my report card...

well, like I promised last time, how the finals were..:

Friday was horrible, I actually overslept!!! .>_<.

I made it to second period, math class, and luckily the teacher was absent.

But the sub. (who is very short-tempered old lady, who seems to enjoy the satisfaction

of blaming people, making them feel guilty; and also seems to hate her life) was there.

The sad thing is that I couldn't make it to my favorite class, History!!!!! which was my fist period!!!

well, I recieved some grades of some of the finals taken the last two weeks.

For History I got a 94

For Math I got 94

For Art I got 100

For dance.... Unknown.

For English ... also unknown. (but there was a project, for that I got a 100)

For Science I took 2 finals, for the first one a 100, and for the second one I got a 88.

For Spanish class, I got a 99. 

 

Though, this might seem really well, actually those are finals and then again, the partial exams.... I don't really do that good... TT_TT and next week is when I will be able to receive my report card, and also start my second term. yes, as a junior still...

 

Also I think that this term's gonna be really tough, since I have regents!! this term too was tough, because of the regents' classes.

 

Oh~ this week I will be taking my Math regent and Spanish regent.

 

End of report.

 

P.S. Wanna see my Art project?? well, I'll tell in advance, the materials used for this project are just blank white paper, tracing paper, a pen, and pencil, and a tracing box. Every student did their own art work, implying that we were put in a dilema, to chose what animal to do and what border design to put on. The level of difficulty depends on what animal you choose to put on paper as the central theme and attraction. I'll mention the most easiest ones: panda, any kind of birds, fish, and butterflies. The most difficult ones were: any kind of animal involving fur... because the pen used in the project uses ink, and if you press on it too much the ink will overflow and the part of the fur will not look like fur. And the animals, including borders have to have some kind of simmetrical appearance. this is it. Hope you like it!! ^^

Kon-kon!

hiyas guys!

it's been a while, yes?

well... starting today the finals will be cracking up my head.

therefore, I'll be taking an hiatus!! I promise I will come back and give u some of the dirt!

I have 3 projects also, so I'm obviously pressured...

 

well, let's pitch right here! buh-bye!!!

yay!! finally! SNOW!!!

oh~! sorry, I got carried away... Konbanchiwa!!!

Minna, ogenki desuka???

Kyou wa choo~ samui desu! soshite atashi no karada wa mecha tsumetaidayo!!!

Today was snowing in the morning, like about 10:30 am when I woke up by a call from Angela... ZZzzz...

she called to tell me about the snow, wow! I was so happy! today the first of December, came the first snow fall! ^^ isn't that amazing?? Therefore, I took out my most expensive coat!

I did the house chores yesterday and today we (me and bro) went to buy food for the week. yep and that's it.

have a taste of my life. so far I have been reflexing a lot.

lately... I found myself lost and short tempered about the most stupid things... I needed a break..

I thought of Death. I thought of a world without a tiny life such as mine... we humans are such pitiful creatures. that's what I realize. We create a fictional world to escape the harsh reality, yet we are not as happy. We try to console ourselves with words that we might use as a weapon to hurt the heart. it heals as it hurts. They use words to cap the mistakes.. Just like when ashes of a destroyed city, remainings and remnants of the once before, now are capped with the most pure white snow signaling the fair and foul. Once beautiful, then becomes ugly... yet again copped by innocent little cottons to hide their foul identity and picture itself as a beautiful core.

 

I thought... how would it feels to die... when I imangine the horror of not being able to move, breath, talk, feel, hear, think... it all get stuck in my head like a big choke. I get frightened. The horrendous thought itself scares me... I thought where would I be... If not here. Where I think I supposed to belong... where my being is going after enduring life? Everyone says the same thing. Heaven or Hell. But is that really the case, how wuold they know!? they haven't experienced death and came back to life to tell the tale! how is it that they know that the conscious of a person will go to another world??? How is it then?? why people invented such belief!! I know, it's because it becomes a relieve to that fear. That's the only medicine... our only hope to not fear to keep on living.

 

Living is a challenge. Living a life granted without our concent, being fearless to live is a great treat. We live in fear of a 'eventual' death, though, no one seems to know... people in time will come to realize that. when that realization is on top of their priorities, it becomes either the power to overcome the fear or the downfall to a quick breakdown into worst end.

 

Come, i say..I am still not yet fully formed of today's pawn to populate a wounded earth... I don't want to live to wound Earth. Nature is the one and only who we are part of. we live on it, we spit on it, we wound on it, we kill on it, we kill it too. we are part of it once our senses won't work.. this little thought of mine might seem gloomy... but that's how today's people are. Gloomy and unjust. Uncertain. Hurtful. Shallow. we are the worst creatures on Earth, and Justification will fall upon us eventually.. yes... each one's eventual moment.. will certainly come, certainly..

Kobanchiwa!!

How's everyone??

today's dawn waas pretty wasn't it?

It colored the sky with pink, saying good-bye to the sakura petals.. and cope it with cold.

Today was cold as usual... and it's ending with tiresome worries..

I took my dreaded math test today... and It was hard as hell!!!!!!!!!!! ..well, everything related to numbers are hard now, I don't even remember my days of living with numbers anymore.. I used to love math, now I disgust it.. because, that's how numbers are, they will decrease my average score.. TT_TT.. I don't want that!!! ..still it can't be helped. Also, I took my spanish quiz and turned over my English project. The project was a mess!!!!!!!!!! it's a group project and half of the project aren't done as appointed!! I did my parts obviously, but the leader of our group didn't do his part!!!!!!!!! argh!!!!!!!!! if I get a zero, I'll get him an epitaph.

 

Anyways, I am tired now from reading manga on the computer and didn't have proper sleep... I'll go now, take care and don't drive while drunk! ^^ Have a nice day! and yep! wasted this on you guys!! hahaha!!! kidding! ^^ 

Konnibanwa!

 

Today's weather was great! I got up really early just to see the dawn!

I'm so happy to have seen it! It was just beatiful, I just hope that every tomorrow has a great dawn to look forward to. Though the weather here has been doing it's own stuff, it's been really easy for people to get sick from it. The temperature changes drastically! Dakara, minna kyotsuketekudasai ne!

 

So, today I took my History test.

It was kind of difficult, but the second part will be even much more difficult!!

wahh~! Kowaii yo~! Don't want to take it~~~!! ^^

Demo.. I have to... ^^ I'm planning on doing all my homework today and project so I can rest in the weekend.. I caught a cold.. I couldn't rest properly lately because I was studying for my exams and all... awww I feel so lazy... I wanna sleep now.

 

Minna, Oyasuminasai~~

 

 

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Konnibanwa~! ^^ (Just a play with words, like Yamashita-kun's "Konbanchiwa")

 

It's been a long time since I wrote something here!

It feels so good to be back at doing what I like to do! 

Today, ne~ I went to my counselor's office to discuss about my first English test, in which was about Summer REading, I told her that since I am a NEW student and from another country, I didn't have Summer REading as it does here (U.S.). Therefore, I couldn't meet the requirements for that first test. Before I took the test, I told my English teacher about my situation, she said that I will receive a failing grade for that exam, but I will do an essay and she will give me efforts points...I did the essay. I still think it's not fair. Just because I am new and don't know my rigth and left in the school, they will give me a failing grade!? I mean, where's the equal justice that the Constitution mentions about!?

 

Hence, I got to talk to the English Department; I just hope that I won't be in bad terms with the teacher, since she's been good to me and all... oh GOD!!! What should I do!? What if she hold a grudge against me and fail me in her class!? NUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! :'(

 

It's been so lonely during classes and lunch.. I mean, I already have like.. 3 weeks at school and still.. no friends, I'm so devastated. There's this one girl in my Science Class, she's Puertorican and she hates Chinese.. and learning that I am from Puerto Rico, she actually gave me a fit!!! awww c'mon! racists are so populars these days.. don't include yourself in. Obviously, I am not one. Know why? Because I love variety! ^^ and because people from other countries are different, I want to learn more about them. Right now, I'm really fond of Arabs, they are really smart!!! Oh how I wish to have a brain like theirs... intellectual trait... ^^ iine~! I really comprehend the way the Hispanics feels, because they think that they are being more descriminated than the Chinese, so in turn they discriminate Chinese.. such a circle, let's break it and form a Friendship Alliance! I mean it. Really.

 

well, yeah... this time's entry is a little different from previous entries, but don't worry I will still write about those when it comes... yeah... when it comes... and the goes..? ^^ I just want to give a little piece of life here and a slice of life there, uh-huh! ^^

 

  

English Translation:

Sen no Yoru wo Koete (by Aqua Timez) I want to be loved, but you don’t seem to love me I wander within that repetition I found one answer; that even if I’m scared, even if I’m hurt I can say “I love you” to the person who I love Do you love me? Or not love me? As for things like that, it’s already fine either way No matter how I wish There are many unchangeable things in this world, right? That’s right, and because only the fact of my loving you Is the truth unchangeable by anyone I want to overcome the thousands of nights and tell it to you There is something that I must tell you I want to be loved, but you don’t seem to love me I wander within that repetition I found one answer; that even if I’m scared Even if I’m hurt, I can say “I love you” to the person who I love It’s scary to turn my feelings into words But I can say “I love you” to the person who I love In this broad world, I can’t express the joy of encountering you with words So we smile, sing about the vividly passing autumn in do-re-mi Turn our backs on winter, wait for the sunlight streaming through trees in spring And become reborn anew, so that we can protect someone On the path we came from and our destination, when we looked back, I’d always have timid eyes I want to face you, but I can’t be honest I, who repeated days of not being able to straightforwardly love my partner And hated being alone on that day Seemed to love people while unwounded I’ll overcome the thousands of nights and go meet you now There is something that I must tell you I want to be loved, but you don’t seem to love me I wander within that repetition I found one answer; that even if I’m scared Even if I’m hurt, I can say “I love you” to the person who I love Even if those thoughts aren’t fulfilled, I can say “I love you” to the person who I love It’s the most wonderful thing in this world -------------------------------------- WEll, here it is: My current favorite song!! ^^ This is the kind of music that I live for!

Every time I put something in my viceo player to watch I get anxious. When it's something that I really like enjoying watching, I get really, but really anxious. The player's gauge will just go loose after you click or select the "play" option. The selection will just consume the remaining time the video has left. While the little gauge indicate the location and the remnants of the video, I thought that if there were a gauge that indicates the location of our memories, and that indicates the remaining years of life, wouldn't it make you feel anxious too??

 

In the video gauge, you can drag the selection to what part you want to see. But all we can do in our lives is looking back in our minds, browsing between memories and reminiscing them. Like when we drag the gauge to repeat something one saw a while ago to revive the excitement of the moment, or to just laugh or cry again, so the feeling will remain a little while longer in the heart. 

 

Or when we want to skip the boring parts of the video, we would just drag the gauge to fast-forward it. There in our reality, is a gift. We think, we imagine, and we dream about our future. We like to have a better future. A present better than now. That's why we fast-forward our minds to ponder about such things. Though they are not reality, the feeling of excitement is what pushes us forward to reach nearer to what we are set to do. 

 

In the end, we are the ones responsable of dragging the parts of our lives. We are the one taking the actions and making decisions. And finally, we are the one living the Gauge of Life. Every day, trying to make it longer, fighting our destiny. Everyday, trying to make it full of LIFE.

It's becoming hard to remember now.. I am scared that I might let my memories fade away like the messages written with my fingers in the sand that would then fade away with the vastness of the ocean's tide. I am afraid of oblivion. I am frightened by the idea of my friends might forget about me. I long for them every day. Their laughter, their smiles, their warthm, their brightness, their caring, their company, their presence...  

 

 

 

 

REsult: I have to take medicine now.... I have some black spot near my lungs. Should I be scared? I AM SCARED!! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Harry Potter!!

 

 

 

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